How do I fix this?

My closest relationships suck this year. Hubby and I aren't exactly where I envisioned married life to be. Sometimes I end up crying far more than I ever wanted to. Still, compared to my relationship with my sister, my marriage is golden. I never thought that growing up and being committed to my marriage meant that I'd lose my closest friend. Yet, with every passing day there is a greater divide. If relationships were like my hobby, all I'd have to do is pick up my hook, do a few slip stitches and we'd be ok. Alas, L and I are not two yarns, we're two very opinionated people. I see my sister taking the long road to the junction of outside my road map. And I have no idea if she can be stopped. Nothing I do pleases anyone, least of all her. I shouldn't have to pick between my husband and my sister. I shouldn't have to face the decision to not let her hang out with my kids because of the things she says about me. I should not have to miss my nephew and niece. I should not have to cry about this situation in my thirties!
Alas, there is a small divide with my father also, but that is another situation, and not one that presses heavily on my conscience at this time. We've always been able to weather our bumps.
L, I'm not so sure about.....

Bad blogger...

Well, it's been awhile. The sad thing is that there are things I want to write about, but I never get around to writing them down. What parts of my life do I want to share out there in cyber world? Hard to tell. Let's just say that for the past 4 months I have fallen in love with my son. He's a little happy boy. He lights up whenever I look at him. It's been a long time since the girls did that. Hopefully V will be a momma's boy, since my hubby has 3 daddy's girls!

Well, I did it again

I am now the proud mother of four children. It still holds mystery to me that you can love someone so much after only having just met them. Or that my hubby, the one that kept bugging me for a boy, has to be urged to hold our little man. What's wrong with him? I thought he wanted a boy. Instead, here I am, once again worrying about an increase in blood pressure, being the only one who wants to hold our son. See, after I had C, my blood pressure spiked. The doc had me all convinced I was dying (not really but she scared the crap outta me). She put me on meds and by the 4th week I weaned myself off and the BP went down. Well, I've been monitoring at home and there has been an increase again. I read somewhere that this was actually quite normal and usually always goes down by the end of the 6 weeks postpartum. The weird thing is that my BP is higher when I have been resting, but if I've been running around, or doing housework it goes down. Strange, eh? In any case, not high enough yet to run to the doc, but elevated enough to have me slightly concerned. I will see what these next few weeks does. It could also be that my neck was strained during labor and has been hard to turn, as my shoulder has flared up as well. I've heard that pain will raise BP. So, also waiting to see if it drops when these muscles stop hurting. This flareup is one of several I've had since that fateful car accident in 2000. Could have been worse, should have been worse. So I'll take the twice yearly or so clenching of the muscles and searing pain. I think the BP drops after I've been busy because when I'm busy I don't feel the pain. Does that make sense?
In any case I'm in love with my boy, so it was worth it. So for now, I will monitor what I eat and pray that this issue will go away by the end of 6 weeks...

A Realization

I have three daughters. I am used to pink and purple, flowers and butterflies, Barbies and My Little Ponies. It's been this way for seven years. I am good with "girl" stuff. I am about 8 months along with my son. Every now and then it hits me that boys are different. I will have to learn blue and brown, trucks and puppies, and whatever else it is that little boys love.
My baby shower was today. I am staring at a pile of items that look foreign to me. Green, blue, brown blankets, burp cloths, washcloths, and onesies. They are sitting in the corner, waiting for me to put away. And every now and then I look over at the bag of clothes and it BOGGLES my mind that I get to put one of my children in a blue onesie adorned with trucks. The countdown to labor has begun and I'm starting to panic. I'm not ready to have a son. I have no idea how to relate to little boys. Even my nephew is like an alien to me. Don't get me wrong, the prospect is exciting. I'm excited to be trying something different. Just glad my meltdown is happening now and not later, when I'm holding my son and freaking out.